Also Disallowed: The Wave

How could the NCAA possibly fine Kentucky because the school's fans stormed the field after the victory over LSU? If your school beats the #1 team in the nation for the first time in 40 years, and if that team is a conference rival to boot, I say that the fans are obligated to rush the field and rip the goalposts down. Anything less would be inhuman. You may as well fine wildebeests for running from lions.

This story reminds me of another thing that, if not inhuman, is certainly unAmerican: collapsible goalposts. Who doesn't enjoy the spectacle of unfettered mass glee turned to mildly destructive ends? If anything is weakening our national manhood, collapsible goalposts are it.

Bonus:
While researching collapsible goalposts, I came across an evangelical minister who disagrees with me entirely on the topic of post-victory celebration. Needless to say, this phenomenon, like all others in modern America, can be attributed to the sinister influence of Dr. Benjamin Spock.

Other pearls of wisdom from Pastor Mike, whom I find endlessly entertaining: it is "axiomatically true" that porn turns people into child molesters. That's right: we don't need evidence to prove this connection, because the definitions of "porn" and "child molester" imply that it must exist by virtue of unassailable logic! The best part about this article is that Pastor Mike whines that porn has not been made illegal despite it's corrupting tendencies and that, sure enough, the child molester in question had child porn on his computer. Pastor Mike: child porn already is illegal! You've won! Have a celebratory beer! Actually, you probably don't do that.

Also, women driving while men ride shotgun is a sign of the coming apocalypse (and something that "the under class" especially enjoys). Here, Pastor Mike cogently argues that this practice is a sign that either a) lazy men are oppressing their women and making them do all the work, or b) feminist women are oppressing their men, pushing them into the "pass(ive)enger seat" and usurping rightful masculine roles. Note how the very straight Pastor Mike here and elsewhere decries the influence of homosexuals and then writes highly woman-loving things like this:

But every tournament [Tiger Woods] enters—by his mere presence—becomes many, many times more exciting. He is a phenomenon—he is masculine; he is passionate; he is driven.

Keep on keeping it real, Pastor Mike.